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Epiphany from the abyss

by Épiphanie

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1.
I - Denial 04:21
Will this ever end ? Walk with me my friend, there are some things i need to get off of my chest. Contemplating this curse i've been given is there a way to live a life without despair. i think i'm going insane. I am never dying. I refuse my fate. To see the final light, something i'll never find. Am i delusional to think that death doesn't conclude this life. I can't decide if i am willing to accept that my flame will one day fade away. Is this for real ? Is it that nothingness will find a way to make me think theres nothing to feel. is there something to believe? when you die is there something that takes you away from this place? With opened eyes, can you feel it ? Stealing your final breath, blurring the lines between reality and consciousness. I don't believe that death is the end. I need to understand this life that i have led. Corrupted and demented by the people that have said that i should give up on my dreams. The only thing that made me feel like i was sane. Walk with me my friend, There are some things i need to get off of my chest. Contemplating this curse i've been given, is there a way to live a life without despair. I am never dying. I refuse my fate.
2.
What have i become ? alas, i never hoped i'd get to see through the glass. The anger inside me slowly consuming. will i destroy myself in the end ? Hatred turns to darkness my mind is shrouded in rage; despising everything i have no use for. eating me alive. a light i cannot find. alas, i didn't think i'd ever slip through the cracks the anger within me eliminating every ounce of compassion that i used to know. how can it be ? how could everything i love become a poison to me ? can't you see i tried my best to contain my wrath and let myself be free ? But i digress, my true calling is eternal rest. I'm not fine. a subtle shade cast from the light. reach inside and see how dark is the mind. but i've been burned alive, cast aside, left to die and here i wait my untimely demise. i'm not fine, i am forever denied. i've never had to believe in god, but i think i know now what it means to be forsaken by him. a blackened heart burns it all, releasing my endless fury onto my kin. it's almost poetic two nameless men fighting to the death. a conscious battle where only one prevails with no regrets. i don't belong, in any place for anyone. i tried to make a living helping the ones i loved. it's no use to run, i have to come to terms with who i have become. how can it be ? how could everything i love become a poison to me ? can't you see i tried my best to contain my wrath and let myself be. I'm not fine. a subtle shade cast from the light. reach inside and see how dark is the mind. but i've been burned alive, cast aside, left to die and here i wait my untimely demise. i'm not fine, i am forever denied. a fateless man, hollowing more and more. feeling the burn, a truth that should never be told. breaking the silence, this voice is all i hear. is it my own, or the one i held forever dear ? what is my purpose ? what is my answer ? what have i become ? alas, i never hoped i'd get to see through the glass. The anger inside me slowly consuming. will i destroy myself in the end ? Hatred turns to darkness my mind is shrouded in rage; despising everything i have no use for. eating me alive, a light i cannot find. I'm not fine. a subtle shade cast from the light. reach inside and see how dark is the mind. but i've been burned alive, cast aside, lft to die and here i wait my untimely demise. i'm not fine, i am forever denied.
3.
i have forseen a black entity swirling around. unsettling sensations emanating from the ground. a chalice for the damned, a sacred relic from the beast. the stench of damnation flows within my reach. what is this voice for i cannot see ? who might you be and what do you want from me ? i feel it's grasp getting tighter and tighter until i collapse. i feel no longer. "I AM THE ONE YOU SEEK" the voice emerges as the shadow of a man who's lifeless eyes are far too black to see. he asked me "how do you think you are supposed to understand when all you see is not what you should perceive ? " how do you live your life through hell? how do you bring yourself to believe that all you did was not a pointless apparition in a world led to extinction that was never meant to be at all ? i'm scared of dying can't you tell ? i've seen the life of those i loved and lost become an unexisting void that cannot be replaced. what can i do for things to change ? "realize that death is part of life. all you have been given will be taken away. recognize your fleeting place within a dying race. forget your fears, and forgive your fate. " "Spare your life to die alive." Conversing with this unworldly projection sensation quite peculiar, a feeling so familliar. pulsations peeking higher and higher. my face appears before me; all my thoughts come to naught. "WE ARE ONE. WE ARE THE FEARS YOU'VE KEPT FOR SO LONG. to walk this earth is to know that you'll be gone. accepting the trials despite of it all. to walk this earth is to know that you'll be gone realizing that there's nothing gained after all." a moment of clarity flashes back into me. was it all a dream or did it really speak to me? am i supposed to understand what these visions we're meant to be? am i the one in control of my own apathy ? i seek the one to be my thought converges as i try to understand how the path i chose came about to be. how do you think i am supposed to be a man when all i am is not who i want to be. my mind is a prison and all i have is time. i never wanted this , to leave it all behind. i can't stay like this, i can't continue being a lifeless mist. i tried to leave myself behind and start anew. i tried to crave for a life i thought would make me bloom. i spared my life, to die alive a thousand times. weighting the burden that followed down the line, to know yourself is all you need to be true; conversations changing your point of view. i understand now how the way i think affects my life, i asked myself in the midst of the night. in front of the glass, i'll try not to lie, do i accept to die ?
4.
IV - Sorrow 06:49
i've been staring at these walls longer than i am ready to say. i've been contemplating my downfall in every way. i feel sedated. i feel no more pain. i've lost track of the people i loved with only myself to blame. a long lost friend who has been taken away, though he's not dead laying dormant until he's able to say. i am nothing, i am just a shell. i've been like this for longer than i dare to tell. burning the pages, putting the last nail. i am afraid, my will to exist is lacking a purpose to stay. i can't sleep, i've lost all meaning to any of this. my sanity is leaving , everything's deceiving. i sacrificed myself over and over. maybe death would come for me ? a blissful feeling. leaving my hardships behind makes it appealing. they're always asking why i'm always feeling blue. we'll never know until i die and see the truth. i can't believe i thought i was able to see. but that's the beauty of this thing we call reality. our answers can only be found within the depths of our dreams. nightmares behold. i thought i could never die. breaking the cycle, breaking the line. i tried to run but i could never hide, because i am already dead. i tried, but i've been discarded. i tried to express how i feel, but nothing feels real in this world. that seals us behind the walls, to keep us away from our compassionate self. i'm not crying. i just want you to know i've been trying. disappearing; all that's left of me will only be cherished once i'm gone. is this existence ? is this how life unfolds ? insanity is not what it used to be. its not a stigma that everyone see's. my life spirals in anguish i hope it soons comes to an end. a friendly hand offered to late. i can't sleep, i've lost all meaning to any of this. my sanity is leaving , everything's deceiving. i sacrificed myself over and over. maybe death would come for me ? a blissful feeling. leaving my hardships behind makes it appealing. they're always asking why i'm always feeling blue. we'll never know until i die and see the truth.
5.
upon the path i chose to achieve, i left myself stranded for i wanted to believe in something bigger than me. and after all this time walking on my own i realized that i was never alone. the god i seek is me. now fate is powerless. this altered state progressing towards the unity of my will and desires. bestow upon my will the power to let go. or i'll never get to see the light again. falling appart is the best way to regain the ability to smile again. the loss of sleep i felt it crawling inside. i feared losing my dreams more than losing my mind. i've been within the darkest reaches of myself. this blackened state; ever present presence spreads contagion. now i can say that i have finally won. to lose my life is better than never getting to live at all. i feel alive, i've never felt this way before. oh mother, how i wish i learned to breathe before this. this blazing sky with colors burning my eyes. i feel alive, i feel alive. i can't keep lying to myself thinking that my end never comes. i've been this way before. i've been this way before. i can't keep lying to myself thinking my life won't come undone. i've been this way before. hoping that my end never comes. i feel alive, i've never felt this way before. to turn my back against the flames scorching my lungs. i feel alive, i can't say i know what life is for. oh father, your wisdom is burning like the sun. is this the end ? i have come a long way, and now i am here. the foot in the door, my conscience is cleared. i've come to believe that we're not even close to fathom this life that we've got. we are condemned to search for meaning; a requiem honoring the persons we used to be. i am now free. now i can breathe. i am now free. how can this be ? i am alive. if nothing lasts forever, then why should i ? i feel contempt towards my own demise. no need for sympathy. now i can count the stars until the end comes for me. i've never wanted to change the world i just wanted to search for peace, and now that it is found this place holds nothing for me. this world is nothing like the way we think it is. nothing to cry for, nothing to miss. except the animals befriended for a while. the ones that say your name, the ones that makes you smile. i can't believe i won't get to see this world unfold. i'm kind of glad, i'd never want to live that old. my thread is thinning, my blood is running cold. burning the last speck of this empty useless soul. this life means nothing. i will die smiling.

credits

released May 24, 2018

Guitar : Tristan Ampleman Tremblay
Guitar : Gabriel Levesque
Bass : Cyrille Beauchesne
Drums : Alexandre Delisle-Drouin
Vocals : Mathieu Dhani
Recording/Mixing/Mastering :David Lizotte
Artwork : Alexandre Goulet - Graphic Designs

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Épiphanie Québec

Métal Progressif de la Capitale-Nationale

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